Thursday, May 5, 2011

the future

Heath was trying his best not to think the worst of his sister Amber. But she was on his mind. Still. Weeks later.

"Just face it. She's with Roger." Of course, Nick had known this guy, all his life. They'd gone to school together. "Maybe ...she'll be a good influence on him." Nick told him, after he'd gotten off the phone with Amber, who wasn't going to come home for Mother's day.

"Right." Heath had to catch himself from losing it, completely. He'd already had a screaming match with her over the fact that she needed to see their mother for Mother's day. He couldn't imagine Amber being a good influence right now. "I just keep thinking how..how she yelled at Mom, like she did. Naturally, she says she did it for me." Heath rolled his eyes at that. What he'd give for a good stiff drink, but they didn't even keep beer in the house. The fact remained, there were two thrifty guys who weren't going to spend any of their savings on booze. Especially, these days.

"Hey, you're sending your Mom flowers. Taking her out to dinner." Nick put his arm around Heath, gave him a kiss on the cheek as he served him up a hot roast beef sandwich on crunchy sourdough bread. Of course, they were going to do brunch with Nick's folks on Mother's day. Still there was this tension, Heath just felt restless.

Heath nodded and bit into the sandwich.

"Who do you think would get the Mother's day card, between the two of us, some day?" Nick let a smile slip.

"Well, obviously....you." Heath sighed. That was one thing he didn't see in himself. The mother. He was obviously the Dad. Always would be. He didn't really think he had the mothering instinct, even if he were a teacher. He felt as himself more as a coach, when it came to getting a play done. Was that a bad thing? He was beginning to wonder. Finally, he stopped questioning this and put down the sandwich. "Nick, is there something you want to tell me?"

"No." Nick cracked up.

"We have to get through our twenties first." Heath told him. He blinked then, thinking he were only a few years away from being not in his twenties. The thought of being thirty made him feel so old. Then he thought of how far away thirty was for Nick. A lot farther away. He knew Nick wouldn't want to wait that long. "Lets just see how things are, by the time I'm thirty-two." They'd need to keep saving. A lot. If they chose to start a family.

"All right." Nick could live with that. "We could be Foster parents. You know, see if its for us."

Of course, at the moment, Heath knew babysitting Grady or Owen was far too much for him. He hoped he changed soon. Suddenly, he thought of his mother, how patience she was. Maybe he and his sister were more like his father than he knew.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

unwanted guests

Nick wasn't expecting to do much for Easter, other than sleep in. Usually, he worked on that Sunday during the month, but the library was closed. He was sure the closest thing he might get to eggs this morning was possibly Heath scrambling some.

But Heath's sister showed up with Roger.

Immediately, Nick felt a bit naked, even if he were in his flannel pants and his favorite Misfits black T-shirt.

"Do they plan on spending the day?" Nick asked Heath while he was putting on a pot of coffee.

"I have no idea." Heath was even sullen about it, but he was digging through the fridge to get breakfast started. He wanted waffles so Nick went to find the waffle maker.

Both were pretty mute when it came to Roger. Nick had gone to school with him, and Nick liked to think of Roger still with Cory. As it was Roger would go in bouts in his relationships. Sometimes with guys, and sometimes with girls.

"I can't see it lasting." Nick finally said to Heath about his sister's situation with Roger.

"I guess." Heath gave him a faint smile.

Finally, Nick took Roger and Amber some coffee to the livingroom. Heath didn't follow.

Nick faked a smile. It was going to be work. More work than any day at the library. At least he could hide in the shelves when he wanted, at work. No, this was going to take some award winning act to show them he was happy to see them. He didn't see Heath making an effort.

Nick could only hope they wouldn't stay for lunch.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

at a steady pace

Jack told no one what he was up to. Not even Nick. Kelsey would have had a fit.

It was just, he didn't know what to do.

He started following Ryan. Of course, with all the slow paced moments involved in watching and waiting for this high school coach who was once more than a friend, Jack started smoking cigarettes. What a bad thing to do. But the smokes kept him calm. And well, Kelsey just didn't get how he needed to be calm.

Keep calm.

Wasn't like he was planning on killing the guy. Even if he thought Ryan was pretty heartless. It still bothered Jack how much he'd wanted to be so much like him. Look like him. Be like. Even that grin. It was all so shameless now. Possibly just dust, but still it effected him. It did.

Of course, it took a mighty long time for it all to evolve, the emotion of it, the act, the conceit, covering it up, acting as if it never happened when it certainly did. He looked up to Ryan. Everyone wanted to be him, or so he imagined. But then, they were just kids, even if Ryan was a few years older. It was a seed that implied the future. Jack's not Ryan's.

It turned into an ugliness that Jack couldn't possibly clean away. Here he sat in his pickup truck outside Ryan's house. If only he could confront him. How would it go down? Would it just pick up where it left off, like they were suppose to be together..again... Or would Ryan act as if he didn't know what he was talking about nor who he was.

It frightened Jack to think it. His skin covered in goosebumps. What was he suppose to do? His eyes rimmed with warm tears ready to spill down his face. He'd never want anything like this to happen to Grady or Owen..not any kid.

Some people were just luckier than others. Like, Nick. Then he remembered..he wasn't alone anymore. He had a family now. He didn't need to ponder over this Ryan anymore. It was the past. So distant now. A far away place.

He pulled away from the curb then. Slid in some nicotine gum between his teeth and started to chew. Kelsey would be after him if he didn't quit smoking. He drove on into the dead of night. Even so, he wasn't quite ready to go home.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

now that it snowed

It was more than the frightful weather out, that bothered Heath. No school.

He paced about, barefooted in his flannel pants. Why wasn't he in bed with Nick? He looked back at Nick, sound asleep. He didn't want to bother him. Of course, it wouldn't be the kind of bother that Nick could roll into.

He sat on the edge of the bed and bit his thumb nail. He looked at the damage. He couldn't remember the last time he did that. Really?

What was his sister up to? She said she wanted to come see him, yesterday ...then never showed up. It was like she wanted to talk, but then she didn't. Then the blizzard happened. At least, he knew she was at their parents. She'd broken up with her boyfriend. But then he found out what had happened. She'd had a trist of some sort with his old roommate, Roger. He was in shock. This wasn't suppose to happen to his little sister. She was suppose to be sweet and good, never lie..always. But she was real with real problems and he was worried about her. His mother was.

"What happened?" Nick rose up on his elbows then.

"Its just Amber." He looked back at him.

"Was she in a car accident or something?" Nick winced.

"Might as well been." Heath shrugged. "Roger has stooped to a new low."

"Roger?" Now Nick got up and sat next to him.

"Yeah, he's been fucking my little sister." Heath barely said under his breath. He felt Nick's warm hand on his back. He gave him a deep sigh.

"Its just, you know, I always thought Kyle would be good for her. He'd be all she'd ever need or want. He's like this person who was calm about any situation. He could fix things. He was devoted to her...And..and this happens. How does that happen?"

"We might never know." Nick whispered in his ear. "But its over. She's home. She's with your Mom. She'll be OK." Nick tugged at him. He kissed Heath under his ear. Nick's hand rested on Heath's tender waist.

Heath smiled. Why was he worried about Amber? Nick was right. They kissed then. Yeah, it was time to get back in bed and enjoy this snow day.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

without a worry

"What am I suppose to do about it?" Rex was a bit uneasy when Nick told him the news about Kelsey. "Has she lost her mind?" He winced. As it was, Rex was doing the best he could. He was working and waiting for Maria to decide on a place and time to get married. Until then, well, it was just dating. She'd made him go cold turkey on the rest of it. No sex.

"I can't seem to win." He shrugged as he unloaded the groceries he brought home. "I know you two, don't want me here. But Maria wants this big fancy church wedding."

"Its Maria's parents that want the big wedding." Nick clarified as he went to check if Rex brought home any surprises.

"Whatever." Rex was just tired he guessed. "I hardly see Owen as it is." He had never worked this hard in his life. It was as if the whole management position had fallen in his lap. Seriously, he wasn't ready for it. He had barely been an assistant manager at the grocery store. "I just want my own home, OK?"

"Believe me, I know that." Nick smiled. He looked at Rex then. "You know, if I wouldn't know better, I kind of think you envy Kelsey. Going on with her life, like this."

"They've got a houseful, already. One more baby to add, I dunno. Are they ready for something like that?" Granted, he thought Kelsey had changed. She was definitely a woman now. All he knew to do was to stay out of her way.