Tuesday, September 14, 2010

treading water

Kelsey knew some day she'd look back on all of this and know what a fool she really was, but right now that wasn't important to her. She stood their looking at the livingroom of her new home. It seemed so now. Funny, how it had been quicker to get married in Nebraska than Iowa. It was all sort of a blur. A trip to Wal-mart for rings. Slurping down cherry lemonade at Sonic. And some paperwork to fill out and the formality of it. She wasn't even wearing her clothes. Someone else's maternity clothes.

She winced then. It wasn't a mistake. It wasn't. There was just something burned into her soul that she couldn't take another chance at home. She was sure of it, in a tragic dream there would be no do overs. This time if she drove off all emotional, it would be the end. The end of it. And maybe that was what she'd wanted for some time about the baby, but now she didn't feel that way. Not with Jack, around with Grady. It all felt like a pleasant surprise now. There was no anger with Rex to concern her. She knew it. Even her blood pressure was down.

But there was her mother to worry about. More so than her dad because after all he did whatever her mother wanted. He always took her side. Always. And now it felt like an accomplishment, some how to have someone on her side.

Of course, there was that thing, Jack would not talk about. She would just assume he'd forget about it because what ever it was...was ancient history. This was now. And she knew he needed her. He did. And even if everyone thought it was a convenient of circumstance, they were wrong.

But the fact remained, there were those little moments to get through. Her mother coming to dinner for starters. It felt like leaps over rocky waters. It pained to know how she might get through this. How her mother would object. How could she? Was she insane?

Kelsey went to check on the roast in the crock pot. It was just too hot to heat the oven. What on earth had gotten in to her? She never cooked. Not really. But she'd watched enough. And it came so natural. Perhaps, it was this feeling... it was her kitchen, not her mother's. Or the thought of wanting to make cookies with Grady or watching Jack, surprised, there was supper waiting for him.

Soon enough, the boys were home and Jack washed up, set the table.

"Why won't she bring your Dad?" He asked.

"He's always busy." Kelsey shrugged. She couldn't remember the last time all three of them had had a meal together.

"That's too bad." Jack nodded, looking a the place settings for the three of them.

"Oh, she'll tell him everything. She always does." Kelsey hugged herself. The anticipation was killing her. The green beans and potatoes were done. A broccoli salad waited in the fridge. "Maybe she won't come." Kelsey smiled with hope, but soon enough a car-door slammed. Kelsey hated the thought. How would it be? Just how would it be? Would she always be her mother's misery. Soon as the door opened. Her mother found her way to her and hugged her so tight, Kelsey thought for sure she was going to choke.

Her mother was all smiles. Didn't ask one word about any of it. Her acceptance startled her. Kelsey felt a little dizzy as she sat down while Jack got the food.

"Are you all right?" Jack asked.

"I think so." Kelsey couldn't eat though. No, it was just not a good time to eat.

5 comments:

ivy said...

Maybe it'll be a nice moment. Maybe.

simon and josh said...

This'll be a trying time for all.

ori said...

This is going to be so new to both of them. I hope they can handle it..especially with a baby.

E.L. said...

Well, it won't be easy. None of it.

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